Anal training after a bad incident

Anal training after a bad incident

Anal training is at the core of this thread from FetLife. I felt this was worthy of preservation and that cannot be guaranteed if I leave it up to FetLife.

LittlePetMolly

Training after bad incident

by LittlePetMolly 7 months ago

Hey all, I’m hoping someone can help me. I would like to begin anal training (I’ve actually done a little bit already) to please my boyfriend. The idea itself is arousing, however the trouble is, I have a slight history with abuse especially with anal. Everything usually is fine, the thoughts, arousals, and prep, but when it comes to actually doing it, all I can think of is how much it had hurt and how terrifying that one experience was and so I stop it all right then and there, right before insertion.

So basically I need to get past a mental and in the worst way. We certainly go incredibly slow and gentle and stop when necessary, but I just can’t get past this. Please help, I would like to be able to do this.

(Also this will be posted in the group dedicated to those dealing with trauma) Not Following Discussion ()

Responses (9 of 9)

My wife/sub has dealt with trauma very similar to what you describe. In the beginning she was terrified at just it being brought up. Now she is still nervous and afraid up until penetration is complete once she is fully penetrated and her muscles have relaxed enough for movement. Usually she begins to have an orgasm as soon as movement starts! We started slow just fingers along with oral stimulation. We moved at her pace (with a few pushes from me as well) and have taken 2&1/2 yrs to get here. Sure you want to please your partner, if you guys take your time you can make anal the icing on the cake for both of you. Always remember good lube and plenty of it is your best friend


P S one way to look at the emotional side of dealing with the trauma, By over coming your fears and learning to enjoy and even love having anal sex you take the power away from your abuser. I’m no professional but that’s my thought on it.




To get passed a mental block you will probably do a lot better playing/training on your own. It sounds like you have a guy that is caring and gentle enough and you just need to focus on reprogramming/desensitizing your psychological/physiological response. You can use simple behavior mod. practices. The following is a detailed program for reprogramming yourself.

The following advice assumes you know about the anatomy of your ass. If you have any doubt read Common Causes of Anal Sex Problems first and don’t forget the lube. Keep everything very slippery.

If you are comfortable inserting your own finger (or at least one finger) then that is the place to start. For five minutes a day (at least) stick you own finger in your ass and start moving it around. Gently pull your anus from side to side then front and back with your finger. Just get used to manipulating your ass without causing yourself any pain.

Start practicing ‘bearing down’ (pushing your ass out like you are trying to poo). As you feel the sphincter muscles start to relax and soften (not necessarily on the first or any given session) start working a second finger into your anus from your other hand, along with the first. Be gentle. Be comfortable. Remember to breath. It should be calm and rhythmic. Pause as you breath in and push out with your ass and in with your fingers as you exhale.

When you have two finger comfortably in start stretching them apart, GENTLY! Side ways and front to back. Remember to breath. Relax as you breath in and stretch a little more as you breath out. Keep working with your fingers. Over time (and probably not a lot of time) you will find you can work your way up to two fingers from each hand. It may take you a week. It may take you a month. Some days will be easier and some days will be harder. Listen to your body and only go as far as you are comfortable on any give day.

When you are comfortable to move on it is time to start probing deeper and that you cannot do with fingers. You want to work with something very smooth. The classic vibrators come in different diameters and are dirt cheap (see: classic vibe). Get a couple of different sizes, nothing extreme. Start with your fingers to relax your anus and then slowly replace your fingers with the tip of the vibrator. Vibrations will further relax your muscles.

Your practice with the vibe is to gently push in past the Puborectalis muscle. Gently gyrate the vibe as you try pushing it in. Squat or knees to chest is the best position. Concentrate on your breathing. Pause as you breath in. Push as you breath out. You should feel the resistance of this muscle fade fairly quickly (maybe a number of attempts) and when you do it is time to start sliding the vibe in and out gently and rhythmically.

As you go deeper you will need more and more lube. You will be able to get the vibe in about 4 inchs (10 cm) before you hit a bit of a road block. This is because of the Anorectal Angle. To proceed deeper (same with a cock) you have to navigate the vibe through the sharp corner into the main part of your rectum. To do this you have to tilt the head of the vibe (inside you) back towards your spine. You will be pulling the base of the vibe forward, towards your clit. This will put a whole new strain on your sphincters and Puborectalis muscle, so take it slow and gentle. Just start by rocking the vibe back and forth. Concentrate on your breathing. This time start tilting the vibe toward you spine while you breath in and stop tilting when you feel the strain. Maintain the strain as you finish breathing in and as you breath out just angle the vibe a little more. Breath in holding the strain and tilt a little more as you breath out. When you are comfortable (you decide) start pushing the vibe further in as you breath out. More lube!

When the vibe is aligned with your rectum you could slide a vibe in easily until it hits the top of the rectum (at least eight inches/20 cm). Once you get to this point it is time to just practice sliding the vibe all the way in and all the way out, rhythmically, over and over again. Apply more lube.

Remember to always start from the beginning with your fingers. Warm yourself up to where you were before. Now it is time to imagine the vibe is a real cock. Think about your man and his cock as you penetrate yourself.Aas you are sliding the vibrator in and out. This is a standard brain training trick. Ideally now you should be masturbating yourself to orgasm. This is actually very important in Behavior mod. to associate all the sensations with sexual gratification.

When all seems good and you feel ready and you have imagined his cock penetrating your ass over and over and over again, it is time to use the real thing.

On this final step remember to start warming yourself up with your fingers (not his). Go through the exercise steps with your vibe. Be touching each other. Looking at each other. Imagine it is his cock when you are warming up with your vibe.

As you ready yourself to take his cock it is time to inject a good dose of lube up your ass (see: Good anal lube). Make sure he is lying on his back with his cock standing up to start with and when you feel ready, position yourself over his cock, still with the vibe burred in your ass. Slide the vibe in and out a couple more times and when you are ready, slide the vibe out and gently guide his cock into your ass as a replacement. Remember your training. You have to get passed the sphincters first, then the Puborectalis muscle, then the angle into the rectum. You control the speed of penetration. You control the angle. Remember your breathing. Sit/push down on the cock as you exhale. Pause as you inhale. Take your time and concentrate on your breathing until you are sitting right down on his cock. Start gyrating, maybe bouncing a little yourself before you let him start to take control.

If figure you can sort it from there.

Play safe.

A great resource for us women is the book by Tristan Taoromino called The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. I’ve read this book several times and always come away with something new. The most important part was how if it hurts to do anal, you’re doing something wrong. You should be able to achieve accepting of a cock without any pain. This of course, after lots of training, as @MaxPrivate has so eloquently spelled out for you. Consider using butt plugs that graduate in size. They are usually labeled as “anal training kits” and can be helpful, along with your fingers of course.

Also keep in mind that when the time comes to actually accept a cock, there isn’t necessarily any one position that will be the one that works for you. I suggest you play around with what position you’re in when you move forward with it. It’s a good idea to be in a position where YOU have the actual control over how fast/slow he moves into you, but it could be that you’re standing and he’s taking you from behind, or perhaps as @MaxPrivate indicated, sitting on top of him. It’s all about what works for you and finding that sweet spot.

Remember to take it slow. It’s not going to happen overnight or during one play session. It could take several months, and while this may seem like a long time to wait, remember that it’s also about the journey, as they say.

Good luck to you and have fun.

MAXPRIVATE’s Advice is the best in your case. AND it’s free lol…. Do this and in time (like a month or so) you’ll be comfortable enough with anal to enjoy it with your partner BUT, and this is a HUGE BUT!!!

YOU HAVE TO LEARN ALL THIS BY YOURSELF FIRST!!!!!



OneRedApple makes a good point. I am an advocate of squatting (not sitting). When you position yourself over the cock you want to be squatting, usually facing away (Asian reverse cowgirl). Depending on your anatomy and his cock’s the angle may not be best for the initial penetration but you have the flexability of leaning back towards his chest, even moving you feet forward a bit. Or it may be better to facing him in an Asian cowgirl.

Many people swear by spooning. The entry angle is good for the sphincters and Puborectalis muscle. It is easy to adjust your position to angle the cock through the Anorectal Angle. But it is a little hard to coordinate a smooth transition from the vibe to inserting the cock.

Doggy is best for others. It is easy to manage the vibe in one hand and the cock in the other at the same time. You want to start in an almost vertical kneeling position with your butt sticking out. As you push your butt further out and guide the cock in you also start folding forward to straighten out the Anorectal Angle. You keep pushng your butt out and drop it down onto your knees as you fold yourself over your thighs. At this point everything should be aligned for him to take control.

This is all fantastic advice. Thanks a lot everyone. I will most definitely begin gradual introduction by myself and work up the way @MaxPrivate suggested.

I’m sure over time and training, the mental block will disappear. However until then, there’s still a fairly strong emotional aspect to overcome :/

Okay, I agree with all the TL;DR here, but I don’t think anyone mentioned this yet.

The first step is just getting used to having your butthole be touched. So in the shower, soap up your butt and get it nice and clean between the cheeks. Then place your fingers on your anus and apply gentle pressure. This step comes before insertion or anything else.

@FFingercuFFs – excellent point. I am going to add that to the piece of writing I am compiling based on this thread.

Perfectly Easy Anal Sex – A success story

Easy Anal Sex

Perfectly Easy Anal Sex – Prologue by MaxPrivate

“Perfectly easy anal sex” is a success story from one of my followers on FetLife. The story actually started as a post entitled “So I really wanted to try anal” about 8 months ago before she came to me asking for help.

” I have gotten ok with the insertion and toys being in there…but the fucking motion…i don’t like it. It causes me pain. Currently I have called an all stop to anal until I figure it out.”

Based on a lot more detailed information she shared I directed her to a number of the articles that I have now published here and gave her a couple of specific pointers. 3 months later she wrote back to me;

“I wanted to say thank you for your help and support and advice.

So yesterday afternoon kinda out of the blue, didn’t really plan to, we just kinda went for it…. I had anal for the first time and it was awesome. We didn’t do any prep stretching or anything but because of what I’d been doing on my own it didn’t hurt at all….and he is not even a small guy…lol. and I had the most amazing orgasm from it….lol

Can’t wait to try it again! Yay!

Thank you again. :)”

So pleased with her success she wrote this account of her experience which she was happy for me to republish for others, especially those who might find a site like FetLife a bit too confronting.


So I really wanted to try anal;

At the same time the idea of trying anal kinda squidged me out a bit ….for a couple of reasons.

One, well it’s anal and you hear all kinds of horror stories about how it hurts, and well there’s the poop factor. Also for me I had gotten a little additionally freaked out because I had a bit of a bad experience with a guy who, using just toys, had pushed me a little too far and had caused a good bit of pain and discomfort, some from the stretching but mostly from the thrusting. So I had completely freaked out about anal, and pretty much closed the doors back there for a while.

But I was not deterred. (If you’ve read my profile you know that I can be rather stubborn) I still wanted to get to the point to try anal, why I honestly have no idea, but I did. Maybe I would hate it and never do it again, maybe I’d love it and become an “anal whore.” Either way I wanted to at least try it and see which way my ass went.

Anal 101. I read a bunch of people’s comments and questions and the good advice that people had posted in response. Then being too embarrassed to post my own question on the group I instead messaged someone who had been giving that good advice and told him what had happened and asked him some questions about how I should move forward to –GASP- train myself…

He gave me some really good advice about making it about me, and what felt good to me, and stopping if it didn’t feel good. Which all seem pretty logical, but when it comes to anal, I had gotten all sorts of turned around so I needed that logical advice. He also gave me some pointers on how to go about the first time when I was finally ready for anal.

So that’s what I did. When I masturbated I used butt plugs. Small at first and then slowly worked my way to bigger. Sometimes I would just put them in there and them…ummm concentrate on other things…sometimes I would use my “anal dildo” (it’s long, flexible, thin and has a handle) and move it in and out to get used to the thrusting motion. It all depended on what felt good that day. It got to a point that some days I craved the anal stimulation while I masturbated.

This lasted several months. And over that time I had several guys that I was talking to ask if I was into anal, and I would tell them not yet. Initially I told a couple guys that I was working on it, and was training myself for it. And OMG, the reactions I got from that…

“That’s weird.”

“You can’t train yourself”

“It would work better if I trained you”

So I stopped telling guys that I was training myself and just told them I wasn’t up to anal yet.

The Plan:

So, when I did have anal for the first time I had a plan, based on my reading and the advice I had gotten.
  • I was going to be in control…would probably be on top as the squatting position is the supposed to be the easiest.
  • Would use toys or fingers first to loosen things up a bit.
  • Would do an enema before to get rid of that worry.
  • Would use lots and lots of lube.
Yeh…so not a single one of those happened…lol

Here is how it went.

I was meeting a newish fwb for a little afternoon delight. As I was getting ready to drive over I decided to be a little daring and take my vibrating butt plug, so maybe if he was willing he could fuck me with it in my ass, which I’ve been wanting to try.

So I arrive and we starting kissing and clothes are removed, not that he was wearing much when I got there, just black boxer briefs, my favorite. I tell him about the toys I brought and he seems perfectly willing, so I think YAY!

He pushes me down on the bed and crawls on top of me, pinching and nibbling on my breasts. Then he slides down between my legs and drives me crazy with his mouth and hands for a while, until I came.

He stood up and moved to the side of the bed, and I nearly attacked his cock with my mouth. I was on my hands and knees on the bed in front of him sucking and licking and them I felt the vibrator moving along the seam of my ass. He pushed it in slightly, but for whatever reason, my position, the angle; it wouldn’t go in so he set it aside.

I was a little disappointed, but I figured, oh well, no big deal.

I pulled my mouth back to the tip of his cock and looked up at him and he asked if I wanted his cock inside me, and I said yes. He tossed me back on the bed again, crawled between my legs and impaled himself in my wet pussy. It felt great. He fucked me deep and hard, and then slow and shallow and the fast and then deep again. He was driving me crazy.

Then still kneeling between my legs he pulled out and rubbed his cock on my asshole. I met his eyes and he raises his eyebrow at me and asks me if I want more.

At that moment, I wasn’t scared or worried or anything. And I trusted him. I knew he would stop if I didn’t like it and not be mad or upset about it. That he really did care about my pleasure. And at that moment All I wanted was for him to put his cock in my ass. So I followed my instincts and I said yes.

He pushed his cock in real slow, just to the point where it would stretch and should hurt, but it didn’t, not even slightly, it felt amazing.

He stopped and looked at me again and asked if I wanted more, and I am pretty sure my yes was in the form of a moan that time. So he slowly slid his cock all the way in, and still no pain, just this wonderful feeling.

Then he started to move and I felt the orgasm coming almost immediately.

He asked me if he could come in my ass and I said yes, partly because I didn’t care if he did and partly because I was so not letting him pull out until I had cum. And then I did, at the same time that he did incidentally, and O.M.G….. it was the most amazing orgasm I have ever had!!

So that’s my story.

So I am pretty sure the reason it went so well is because I trusted him and I had become comfortable with my own ass and its pleasure.

I think if I had followed my original plan it would have gone ok, but I think I would have been too focused on it and nervous about it, and I don’t think I would have had the earth shattering orgasm I had, so I am glad I followed my instincts and went for it, and that my self training made me ready for it.
Max Private

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