Our modern aversion to Anal Sex

People’s aversion to Anal Sex

Our aversion to anal sex, be it the “ick factor”, shame, embarrassment or “it’s just plain wrong”, is the biggest barrier to people enjoying anal sex. These emotional responses to the thought of anal sex is at the core of people’s unwillingness to even contemplate the act. In a modern, 1st world society, it may be hard to understand the reasons for these emotions. After all, in our modern, first world societies, gay relationships are now celebrated, although not by all. It must be know that the vast majority of gay relationships involve anal sex.

Scientifically or medically speaking, if people are practicing “safe sex”, any difference in infectious transmission is purely academic. There is no physical, medical or legal reason to abstain from anal sex. Even the religious doctrines that still condemn the act are in the minority. So the question is “Why is there such a stigma attached to anal sex?” and “Why are people so put off or worried about indulging in anal sex?”

It is a lifetime of outdated social programming that gives rise to these negative thoughts people have about anal sex. Social programming that is akin to Brainwashing. Social programming based on ideas that are centuries if not millennia old.

Religion’s role in our aversion to anal sex

It started with Christianity. The Greeks and the Romans are famous for their anal sex escapades. Many other cultures, in particular tribal and nomadic cultures, promote anal sex and even homosexuality was a as a method of population control. The Jewish religion, pre-dating Christianity, did not condemn people for practicing anal sex either; 

“Kosher sexual relations are not necessarily limited to those that can lead to pregnancy, either:  anal and oral relations are permitted, if enjoyable to both marital partners, …” – @Kosher Sex

The condemnation of anal sex in the Western world started with the New Testament and Christianity. Now Catholicism has problems with any sexual act that is not specifically for procreation. But over the past 500 years, Christianity, in general, has softened its position on various sex acts. Today, many branches of Christianity accept Gay marriage. This is only one of the paradoxes in religious belief and the followers’ actual behavior. There is just no way you can accept gay marriage/partnerships without understanding a key consequence of gay relationships is anal sex.

Another sexual paradox in religious doctrine and actual behavior is the use of contraception. Studies have shown that 98%, or more, of sexually active Catholic women have used some form of contraception banned by the Vatican. We have to accept that the condemnation of the Catholic church is not enough to dissuade the population from indulging in sexual acts.

It begs the question; “Why is arse fucking so much worse than other acts of sexual pleasure?” In the distant past, arse fucking was strongly associated with the rape of underaged boys. This is almost certainly why gays were persecuted so horrible and in some cases still are. So it is by association with other heinous acts that anal sex came to be viewed as such a very bad thing. In the absence of other associations, how is anal sex any worse than endulging in cunnulingus, felatio and the use of contraceptives? The Vatican attaches a one way ticket to hell for all of these transgressions.

The Law’s role in our aversion to Anal Sex

In the year before King Henry VIII declared himself to be head of the Church of England, he introduced the first legislation under English criminal law against sodomy with the Buggery Act of 1533. The Act defined buggery as an unnatural sexual act against the will of God and man, harking back to the religious definition of soddomy. This included the sexual acts of felatio and cunnulingus amoungst others.

Later buggery was defined by the courts to include only anal penetration and bestiality. This meant that acts of anal sex received the same treatment as acts of beastiality.

“A sodomy law is a law that defines certain sexual acts as crimes. The precise sexual acts meant by the term sodomy are rarely spelled out in the law, but are typically understood by courts to include any sexual act deemed to be “unnatural” or immoral. Sodomy typically includes anal sex, oral sex and bestiality. In practice, sodomy laws have rarely been enforced against heterosexual couples.” – @Wikipidia

While there was a short period when the soddomy laws were repealed, it was re-enacted by Queen Elizabeth I in 1563. Then the Puritans came to power in the mid 1600’s,  under the leadership of Oliver Cromwell and imposed their extremist moral standards.

Buggery remained a capital offence in England and Wales until 1861 and the buggery laws for England and Wales were not repealed until 1967. So we have this very long history of the law telling us that Anal Sex is the most heinous of all sexual acts a human can commit against another human, right up until about 50 years ago. 

Science’s role in our aversion to Anal Sex

Then we made the connection between our own excrement and diseases like cholera and dysentery (back in 1849). Up until the mid 1800’s buggery was punishable by death.

Pile on modern scare campaigns to stop the spread of HIV/AIDS and other STD’s, it is no wonder society has such a latent heat of anal sex.

Even if your partner is not religious, we are programmed from birth by so many different forces against anal sex, you have to treat the ick factor as the result of global brainwashing.

Undoing brainwashing is a slow and methodic process. The objective is to normalise anal sex. Trust is very important. Conversations about anal sex are important but you also want to know what is triggering the ick thoughts/feelings. Very, very important is that over time you prove it is not icky. You need to be vigilant with your own cleanliness. Smell is a big part of the ick factor. Then you need to introduce anal sensations into her orgasms.

Starting Anal Sex – initial pain

Anal Sex – Starting out


by jacquie30sJuly 24, 2016 Hi I’m pretty new to anal and would like to be able to take my master’s cock. My question is probably pretty rudimentary, but i would appreciate any information on your own experiences.

If it’s painful at the beginning can it feel better once it is in, or does the pain just continue? I’m ok I think to take a bit of pain but I’m worried that too much will scare me off anal.

MaxPrivate 52M
New South Wales, Australia
There are a lot of different causes for pain in the ass. Most of the pain is no big deal. Stop for a minute or slow down and the pain stops. Like stretching the skin around the anus is no worse than stretching your skin on any other part of the body. Although the anus is one of the more sensitive parts of the body, it is fear, uncertainty and doubt that give people an exaggerated sense of pain in this area.

Now there are a number of rings of muscle around the anal canal which we group into the two structures we call the inner and outer anal sphincters. The pelvic floor muscles and other connective tissue and muscles support these structures. Stretching a muscle is not a problem. But when you start to feel pain from a muscle, depending on how much, that area might feel tender for some time after, if not during. Tearing a muscle is a show stopper for most people but not all. As with any other toren muscle, you will feel that for days after. Some people are into the pain and like to be reminded of it in the days that follow, but these people are not in the majority.

Hemorrhoids and fissures are funny things. They can be a show stopper but not necessarily. Loads of people have these things. Everyone can expect that they have or will have them at some time in their live. The overwhelming majority will never know. Anal sex is known to reduce the occurrence of these over time but badly executed anal sex can also be the cause of them in the beginning.

Friction pain can be internal or external and continues and increases until the friction stops. Lube is the solution for this.

There are also autonomic responses and bruising. These can present as referred pain.

At the end of the day the most important thing to achieve is trust. Trust in your own body’s abilities, trusting your partner and open communication is an essential part of this. The Top must respect the feelings, emotions and physical responses, if not the limits/limitations, of the Bottom. The Bottom must communicate when things are not going right, whether psychological or physical, and not be afraid to say stop. It is often a lot harder for the inexperienced Bottom to accurately describe what is/was going wrong. For the Top, is it often hard to hear any criticism. This you just have to work on.

The article Common Causes of Anal Sex Problems is a prety good starting point for beginners and helps gives couples common language and understanding if things don’t go to plan.

Also remember that anal sex is not always difficult. Perfectly Easy Anal Sex – A success story is a good reminder of this very point.

Hi max, thanks for the advice. I think I’m going to try pushing out when my master wants to try again and hopefully when i contract it will invite his cock in. Fingers crossed. It works in theory… i think.

MaxPrivate 52M
New South Wales, Australia
Pushing your anus out and well lubed insides are key.

Put down a towel if you are worried about the lube coming out when you push your anus out. Once the head of his cock is past the anal sphincter (between 2 and 3 inches – 50 to 75 mm), your inner sphincter will completely relax. If your sphincter contract after this point is reached, it will only be the outer sphincter. Remember, your outer sphincter is controlled by your conscious mind. You will need you partners cooperation here. You need to stop, breath and compose yourself. Even if you find it difficult to release the outer sphincter again, all you need is a bit of patients. The outer anal sphincter is a muscle type that “fatigues”. That means that the contraction will only be temporary and then the outer sphincter will relax even if you don’t will it to do so.

This process is why so many say it starts out hurting and then it stops hurting. The first step of getting past the inner sphincter just takes patients. Very slowly creeping the head of the cock in as the inner sphincter slowly gives way to the pressure. Then pausing for a minute while the outer sphincter clenches (if it does). If you keep pushing out the outer sphincter won’t clench. Then slowly start moving the cock in and out. Slowly increasing thrust length and ultimately speed.

If he starts going too deep, you will feel some deep pain. Don’t panic about this just make sure he backs off to an acceptable speed and length of penetration.

Approach every encounter the same way. If you feel you are hitting a roadblock, come and ask for a little more guidance. Hopefully all will go well.


Thank you. You seem to know a lot about anal. I’ll be sure to get your guidance if i get stuck.

Staying in Anal Shape


Staying in anal shape when flying solo. Any thoughts?

by ann_moonrider

Broke up with my boyfriend 6-months ago and moved. Single since then. He was the first guy that I had ever had satisfying anal sex with. It takes me a while to get relaxed, and things got better as we practiced together.

Been on my own now for half a year, and I’m wondering if the back-door progress I made will fade, and if I start up with a new lover, will I have the tightness trouble that I had at first. Has this happened to anyone?

I’m wondering if I should ‘practice’ with a vibe or dildoe to keep in shape?

Continue reading
Max Private

Alcohol and Anal Sex

Is it good to mix alcohol and anal sex?

Every time I see the subject of deliberately using alcohol to help a bottom take a cock, especially when the question relates to an anal sex virgin, neigh sayers descend on the forum discussion propounding the dangers of mixing alcohol with anal sex. Their rather outrageous claim is that anyone using alcohol to easy the path to anal penetration is a candidate for the Darwin Awards or, at the very least, a trip to the ER. From a clinical standpoint, nothing could be further from the truth and there is no justification for all the negativity Continue reading

Ujjayi Breath for better sex

I can’t believe it is so hard to find a simple explanation of Ujjayi breath(ing). There is loads of information that talks about the spiritual links and nature and it origins. This article is about the mechanics of Ujjayi breathing for those who are just not into the spiritualism.

Before you start using Ujjayi Breath various situations to manage pain, alleviate discomfort or in your quest for greater sexual satisfaction, it is best to just practice the breathing technique on its own. The Ujjayi breath is typically done in association with asana practice. Asana is any posture useful for restoring and maintaining a persons well-being and improving the body’s flexibility and vitality. Primarily though, its origins are cultivating the ability to remain in seated meditation for extended periods.

Inhalation and exhalation are both done through the nose. An “ocean sound” is created by moving the glottis as air passes in and out. The length and speed of the breath is controlled by the diaphragm, the strengthening of which is, in part, the purpose of ujjayi. The inhalations and exhalations should be equal in duration, and are controlled in a manner that causes no distress to the practitioner. i.e. don’t strain to fill your lungs or empty them.

Ujjayi is a diaphragmatic breath. Keeping your chest still, you first fill the lower belly which pushes your belly out. Then rise to the lower rib cage and finally the upper chest and throat. When you lungs are full, hold your breath for a second or two. Don’t block your nasal passage with your tongue or pallet to hold the breath in, just hold your diaphragm and chest muscles in place. You should be able to allow small amounts of air to flow in and out if you wanted to.

When you breath out, let the air rush out at first (to make the ocean sound) and just let the breath slow to a stop at the end and relax with your lungs empty for a second or two. Again, don’t block the airways. Then start the cycle again..

Practice this in a comfortable sitting position with your eyes closed. No sooner than you think you are comfortable you will want to touch/scratch your nose or rub your eye or scratch your forehead. The idea is to breath through those moments and remain still. Focus on the breath flowing up through the top of your nasal passages and into the back of your throat in a big arc. Then back the other way. Listen to the “Ocean sound”. If you can’t feel it, imagine the air flowing up into your skull and your nasal passages opening.

The idea is to stay focused on your breath or breathing. As you relax you will start to daydream or maybe start pondering some part of the day or something you still need to do. Just slowly bring your thoughts back to your breathing as soon as you realise your mind is straying.

These are the mechanical and mental processes for a good Ujjayi breath. When you can breath through the itchy nose and other distracting sensations you will find that you can breath through all sorts of discomforts and even painful events.

It is a good way to wind down at the end of a day. It is basically a form of meditation in itself. Great way to relax before sex too.

Max Private

Anal Sex Training by Yourself

Anal Sex Training by Yourself

Why anal sex training by yourself?

There are lots of reasons why people want or should do anal sex training by themselves. Most will ‘suffer’ from modesty, anxiety, fears or some combination or those, that are the result of a lifetime of negative social programming. Others have experienced or anticipate pain and discomfort that they believe would be tolerable, or at least would spoil the sexual encounter. Some want to surprise a partner with the special ‘gift’ of giving their ass and want to be assured that it will be easy and without a lot of negotiations, discussions or experimentation. They want it to be a natural part of their sexual exploits and not be awkward.Continue reading