Starting Anal Sex – initial pain

Anal Sex – Starting out


by jacquie30sJuly 24, 2016 Hi I’m pretty new to anal and would like to be able to take my master’s cock. My question is probably pretty rudimentary, but i would appreciate any information on your own experiences.

If it’s painful at the beginning can it feel better once it is in, or does the pain just continue? I’m ok I think to take a bit of pain but I’m worried that too much will scare me off anal.

MaxPrivate 52M
New South Wales, Australia
There are a lot of different causes for pain in the ass. Most of the pain is no big deal. Stop for a minute or slow down and the pain stops. Like stretching the skin around the anus is no worse than stretching your skin on any other part of the body. Although the anus is one of the more sensitive parts of the body, it is fear, uncertainty and doubt that give people an exaggerated sense of pain in this area.

Now there are a number of rings of muscle around the anal canal which we group into the two structures we call the inner and outer anal sphincters. The pelvic floor muscles and other connective tissue and muscles support these structures. Stretching a muscle is not a problem. But when you start to feel pain from a muscle, depending on how much, that area might feel tender for some time after, if not during. Tearing a muscle is a show stopper for most people but not all. As with any other toren muscle, you will feel that for days after. Some people are into the pain and like to be reminded of it in the days that follow, but these people are not in the majority.

Hemorrhoids and fissures are funny things. They can be a show stopper but not necessarily. Loads of people have these things. Everyone can expect that they have or will have them at some time in their live. The overwhelming majority will never know. Anal sex is known to reduce the occurrence of these over time but badly executed anal sex can also be the cause of them in the beginning.

Friction pain can be internal or external and continues and increases until the friction stops. Lube is the solution for this.

There are also autonomic responses and bruising. These can present as referred pain.

At the end of the day the most important thing to achieve is trust. Trust in your own body’s abilities, trusting your partner and open communication is an essential part of this. The Top must respect the feelings, emotions and physical responses, if not the limits/limitations, of the Bottom. The Bottom must communicate when things are not going right, whether psychological or physical, and not be afraid to say stop. It is often a lot harder for the inexperienced Bottom to accurately describe what is/was going wrong. For the Top, is it often hard to hear any criticism. This you just have to work on.

The article Common Causes of Anal Sex Problems is a prety good starting point for beginners and helps gives couples common language and understanding if things don’t go to plan.

Also remember that anal sex is not always difficult. Perfectly Easy Anal Sex – A success story is a good reminder of this very point.

Hi max, thanks for the advice. I think I’m going to try pushing out when my master wants to try again and hopefully when i contract it will invite his cock in. Fingers crossed. It works in theory… i think.

MaxPrivate 52M
New South Wales, Australia
Pushing your anus out and well lubed insides are key.

Put down a towel if you are worried about the lube coming out when you push your anus out. Once the head of his cock is past the anal sphincter (between 2 and 3 inches – 50 to 75 mm), your inner sphincter will completely relax. If your sphincter contract after this point is reached, it will only be the outer sphincter. Remember, your outer sphincter is controlled by your conscious mind. You will need you partners cooperation here. You need to stop, breath and compose yourself. Even if you find it difficult to release the outer sphincter again, all you need is a bit of patients. The outer anal sphincter is a muscle type that “fatigues”. That means that the contraction will only be temporary and then the outer sphincter will relax even if you don’t will it to do so.

This process is why so many say it starts out hurting and then it stops hurting. The first step of getting past the inner sphincter just takes patients. Very slowly creeping the head of the cock in as the inner sphincter slowly gives way to the pressure. Then pausing for a minute while the outer sphincter clenches (if it does). If you keep pushing out the outer sphincter won’t clench. Then slowly start moving the cock in and out. Slowly increasing thrust length and ultimately speed.

If he starts going too deep, you will feel some deep pain. Don’t panic about this just make sure he backs off to an acceptable speed and length of penetration.

Approach every encounter the same way. If you feel you are hitting a roadblock, come and ask for a little more guidance. Hopefully all will go well.


Thank you. You seem to know a lot about anal. I’ll be sure to get your guidance if i get stuck.

Max Private

Safe Dating

Women are being abducted from crowded public places far too regularly. Safe dating involves far more than just staying away from internet hookups. While women are most often in the press, this is good advice for anyone regardless of sexual identity. Safe Dating suggestions:
  • Have a friend drop you at the meeting point. They can wait in the background. Make sure you are only meeting the 1 guy and the guy you believed you were meeting.
  • Waze, Viber and other social networking apps for smart phones will transmit your location on a map to any number of friends with the press of a single button.
  • Apple and most of the Android phones come with a phone finder service for when you loose your phone. That your friends can use to monitor you location without you taking any action at all.
  • Use a 3rd party app on your phone that is specifically design for others to keep track of where you are.
  • Use a 3rd party app that allows anyone you choose to be able to see what ever is in front of the phone’s camera, hear whatever the phone’s mic picks up and locate the phone on a map as long as the phone is turned on. This is the type of software the English New Papers got into trouble for using to spy on celebs. It doesn’t interfere with income or outgoing calls. There is no obvious signs the the phone is spying on every scene and snooping on every sound. Of course this might be sharing more than you want to share with your average friend.
  • Cloud based, auto backup services will store a copy in the cloud of any photo you take within seconds. Take a photo of the person you meet and within seconds there is a photo record of who you have met that they cannot delete or retrieve. The location and time of day will be recorded as well. Take a photo of any place you are taken. Take a photo even if the phone is in your pocket – you location and a time stamp is still backed up.
MOST IMPORTANT! – Make sure the person you meet is aware that you are using any or all of these methods to protect yourself. If they have ulterior motives you will not see them for the dust. These measures are to make sure that the people you meet are honest, not so that the police can track you or the perpetrator down after the fact – although they will do that too.

Stopping cystitis

There is a large percentage of the female population (and a minute percentage of the male population) that are chronic sufferers of Cystitis. Wouldn’t it be good if stopping cystitis was as easy as drinking more water?

For those who are chronic sufferers of UTI’s, the first thing you must take a close look at is your water intake. The MedPro’s will tell you that coffee, tea and other beverages either don’t count or at least are no substitute or water. You must look at your water intake.

I have had two long term partners in my life that suffered chronic UTI’s. Any number of things would set off a UTI, stress, lack of sleep, the wrong pair of pants or nickers. Sexual intercourse was guaranteed to trigger a UTI. And don’t imagine we didn’t extensively eliminate my hygiene as a factor. I submitted to years of Brazilian waxing and finally ten sessions of Brazilian laser treatment to eliminate my pubic hair as an irritant or haven for germs. Showers with antibacterial soaps and even using antibacterial gels on my hands and my genital before any sexual contact. None of these actions seemed to make any difference.

When it came right down to it, increasing their water intake during the days help tremendously. Even if they thought they were drinking enough, the UTI’s were a clear indication that they needed to drink more. But while it helped to prevent UTI’s from normal daily activities it still was not a solution for the UTI’s that followed sexual intercourse.

After years of searching for answers with the first of these partners, we virtually stumbled on the first solution – Vaseline. Without fail, using Vaseline prevented the occurrence of UTI’s. We also discovered that fucking her with a good dose of Vaseline on my cock we suppress the stinging and burning sensations.

Now there are very recent studies that Raise Questions About Safety Of Personal Lubricants. The focus of these studies relate to STD and HIV in particular, but report says “… experiments carried out in recent years have indicated that some of the products might be smoothing the way for disease transmission.” and it site “In 2002, however, a Phase II/III clinical trial of a nonoxynol-9 vaginal gel ….. actually increased the risk of HIV infection in the sex workers tested…”. This of course applies to lubricants and spermicides on condoms. So any women insisting on using condoms to avoid contracting a UTI from sexual intercourse could be aggravating the problem.

Understanding that the Vaseline was forming a hygroscopic barrier, we subsequently started trialing Silicon Lubricants which provided equally effective. Switching to any type of water base lube or attempting to do without during sexual activities and the UTI’s instantly returned.

As far as I have been able to determine, all the reports on lubricants promoting the transmission of infection are limited to water based lubricants, but that is not specifically stated in any report that I have managed to track down. It has also been shown that not all water based lubricants have this negative effect.

Still, if you are not using any lubricant during sex and you are suffering from post-coitus UTI’s, you should consider using a silicon, petroleum or mineral oil as prophylactic lubricant. These will all create a hygroscopic barrier which should hinder any body fluids and bacteria making their way up your urethra. I cannot back this statement with any specific scientific research, but the science is sound on this as a UTI preventative measure and it is backed by an increasing number of case studies I do have personal experience with.

My current partner suffered UTI’s after sex for years with her previous partner. As soon as I became aware of her susceptibility to UTI’s (that was after the second time we had intercourse) out came the Silicon lube again. Problem solved. No issues for three years now.

Let’s face it, if you are a chronic sufferer of UIT’s, you have very little to lose and much to gain by increasing your water intake (no matter what it currently is) and using silicon lube if you use condoms for safe sex.

Max Private too graphic

Female Cum & Ejaculation – fact not fiction & not pee

Female Cum & Ejaculation: – Introduction –

Female ejaculation is still a fiercely debated phenomenon. Some women (and their partners) are seriously bothered by the thought of “gushing” or “squirting” and horribly embarrassed when it does happen to them. The concern usually stems from the incorrect belief that anything more than a bit of moisture which arises during sexual arousal, to facilitate penetration, must be urine. Now there are women who do loose bladder control when they climax which is not really squirting or gushing, it is far better described as leaking. I also know there are many who say “… and so what!”, but there are many others who are just not into water sports and when they “gush” or “ejaculate” (as opposed to leaking) this can seriously spoil their enjoyment of what is surely some excellent sex. This is because the only way to stop the wetness is for the woman to stop enjoying what they are doing. This is completely misguided and unnecessary.

Female Cum & Ejaculation: – Peeing, Squirting, Gushing and Ejaculating

There are a couple of reasons why some people find it hard to believe that a woman can ejaculate, not the least of which is the porn industry’s “Squirting Women” genre, in which women are most often filmed spraying “pee” all over the place at the moment of “climax”. It should also be noted that it is standard practice to inject a saline solution into the balder rather like they would do in during a cystoscopy. So in the case of many porn films it is not even urine. It is much more convenient injecting fluid into a woman’s bladder directly than waiting for the human bodies ability to produce urine.
Cystoscopy process

Cystoscopy with saline solution injected

In between the concepts of peeing (which could be leaking or squirting) and ejaculating there is also gushing. Again the porn industry makes no distinction between gushing and squirting (which are depictions of peeing in almost every instance) and so the term gushing is also hijacked by the porn industry leaving the unwitting population believing that any wet patch left by a woman must be urine. It’s just isn’t so.

Female Cum & Ejaculation: – What is it and where does it come from?

So to make a specific distinction between urine and female “cum”, what we are speaking of is actually the standard/normal lubricant (mucus) the vagina produces when a woman is sexually aroused. Female cross-section Shown here is a rather classic diagram used to discuss the female reproductive system and sexuality. You have probably seen hundreds just like this. But it doesn’t even show, let alone highlight, where the female “cum” comes from. There are four internal glands that will never show up on a center-line cross-section like this because they are not on the center-line. They are positioned on either side of the vagina. Two at the front on either side and two at the back (on either side). let me say that on various occasions (but not all) every woman I have been with has “gushed”. It makes me extremely happy when I see a big wet patch on the bed and its not me. It’s is a sure fire sign of how much the woman enjoyed our intimate time. And kind of flips the scales in the argument over who should sleep on the wet patch. But, while any woman can gush, not all can ejaculate. Gushing (lubricant) comes from two different glans and their associated ducts in and around the entrance to the vagina. You can see these, the openings of the ducts, on this close-up the the female’s genitals.
Female Genitals

Female Genitals

The first source of gushing “cum” is the Batholin’s Gland which every woman has. You can see the opening of the left Batholin’s Gland which is circled in the image a little to the rear of the vaginal opening. There is another the same on the right side of the vagina. The Skene’s gland is considered to be responsible for female ejaculation, but its anatomy varies greatly in every woman. Here it can be clearly seen just to the left of the urethral opening. In some women the Skenes glands drains into the urethra itself, which has reinforced the belief that it is pee. In some women it appears to be completely absent and would add to the argument that it is a complete myth. If a woman has a healthy Skene’s gland that is well connected to her g-spot and clitoris and the conditions are just right (when her muscles contract or the penetration is just right and the exit of the ducts is not being cover by the labia) the glands will squirt girl juice like little syringes. They literally ejaculate fluid and it is just as convenient to call it girl cum. Here are a couple of Wiki links you can check out that go into more clinical detail.